"... and Cozumel took him" pt 1.

I will admit that I had my doubts about this bachelor party trip before hitting the road; a Carnival Cruise from New Orleans to Cozumel and back. Granted, I found the idea vastly superior to another trip to Vegas. I have a very long list of travel desires and neither a cruise nor Cozumel (or Mexico as a whole) had ever been on it. I'm a long stay/flights type of guy... or at least I was until disembarkation this past Monday. Mexico can keep Cozumel... but I'm now sold on the idea of cruising for short trips. Before I explain the story behind this change of heart, I'm obligated to honor a verbal agreement and start this blog post with a song; mostly appropriate for the long weekend that I already miss.

Wednesday: 

Technically, the trip began the day before our ship left the terminal. Chandler and I opted to make things easier on ourselves and actually wake up in New Orleans instead of driving there in the early morning hours. It also gave us an excuse to spend a little time downtown, filling our evening with alcohol and other various debaucheries. However, we forgot that we are not in our twenties and by the time we got downtown we were more interested in getting dinner, taking a spin around the Carousel Bar for the novelty of it and then sleeping. Don't judge us... the beds at the New Orleans Marriott are very enticing. In hind-site, I would say we made an excellent decision. For dinner, we walked a few blocks to 'The Gumbo Shop' ,spying the filming of a Popeye's Chicken commercial as we walked in the door. I took the opportunity there to separate myself from the common tourist by ordering the gumbo sampler... which was delicious. Side Note: They make a killer Chocolate Fudge Brownie. 

As mentioned above, we took a few minutes after our meal to swing by the Carousel Bar for a drink. I had never been to the place so I was happy that we showed up on a Wednesday and it was relatively empty. I was told it could take hours to get on the spinning seats but we managed to find an opening in a couple minutes. The place was nice/unique enough to warrant a terrible smart phone picture. See attached:

After a drink and a few spins around the bar, Chandler and I decided to call it a night. I think we probably made it back to the Marriott around 9pm and Kevin showed up from his flight, knocking on our door, around 11pm. Sleeping Commenced.

Thursday:

There was a Christmas Morning feeling in the air when I woke up; perhaps because I'm naive. I knew old friends were in route and good times were to be had. While the majority of our crew was still driving to New Orleans, Chandler, Kevin and I hit the town in search of breakfast and entertainment. We found our breakfast at 'Stacey's' and the entertainment on every street we walked along. I think my favorite "street performer" was a gentleman in his 40s yelling, into his phone, at what I thought was his roommate until he said, "I'm not coming home right now mom". In between the drifter viewing we made a stop inside the St. Louis Cathedral so Chandler could confess his future sins and get a few credits for the cruise. I already had a lot of built up credit, so I opted to take the following photo instead.

We made a quick tour of Harrah's Casino and the Brooks Brothers store across the street, then walked back to the hotel around 11am for check out. Kevin ran off to hang out with his mom for lunch; Chandler and I drove around for roughly 6 years trying to find a parking spot closer to Jackson Square before we grabbed our pre-cruise mexican lunch (which was a very dangerous decision). I wish I could remember the name of the place that we ate because it was awesome, but lunch didn't take long and it was close enough to 12:30 that we could head toward the cruise terminal. We drove along side a train for half of our route and then, when we finally had to cross the tracks, were somehow both surprised by the fact that a train was there and was 5 car lengths from cutting Chandlers SUV in half. It is only now, as I write this, that I realize this 'almost train wreck' was God's way of foreshadowing.
Train behind us, we pulled into the $65 parking lot, wandered in and out of elevators and rooms until we figured out how to check luggage and get through security. Side Note: After my bags and I went though x-ray and metal detectors, respectively, I was told that I was to declare any liquids to the gentleman at the next table we came across. It dawned on me as I was opening my bags at the table that this process was essentially voluntary. Half the people just walked into the next room without stopping. Lesson learned. Dishonesty is the best policy. We were both on the boat pretty quickly after that so we took some time to check out as much of the boat as possible and go ahead and buy "Unlimited Coke" passes for ourselves (which ended up saving my wallet big-time). Another Side Note: I think it took all of 12 minutes to learn that English was probably not Carnival's primary/official language. That statistic wasn't helped by any of the Louisiana residents that boarded the boat either.

ALRIGHT, This is about the point in my trip that I stop remembering everything and must rely more heavily on the notes I put on my phone. Sorry, sometimes I drink alcohol...
I'm not exactly sure of the order in which everyone else starting arriving on the boat, but at some point, my checked luggage was kidnapped and held for ransom in Kevin/JD's room. I was a bit worried for a while that it had received special screening and I would be receiving a visit from the cruise nazis before we even left the port. Thankfully that wasn't the case. Once everyone was checked in, we took alcohol inventory and were pleased to find that nothing had been confiscated. In all, I believe we had about 1.5 L/person. I'd be willing to bet that a quarter of that amount was gone within the following 4 hours. I wont go into great detail about the evacuation training we went through, but I would like to reminisce about the unattractive, drunk woman that forcefully ... ground? grinded? thrust her ass onto Joey while he was pinned in place by a crowd. She had also just finished swimming so it made his pants looked like he had just pissed himself, which I suppose is what inspired her to proclaim to everyone around us that his pants were wet. It was a thoroughly enjoyable experience for everyone but Joey.
Moving on.
LSU was playing their first game of the season that afternoon, so the majority of us grabbed a few drinks and made our way to the closest sports bar with the game on. We had to share the room with a few LSU fans which wasn't too bad. I got pretty friendly with one named Richard, who apparently is big on calling radio programs, and we talked all things SEC through the game. Once we ran out of things to discuss, I decided to get ready for Dinner. Apparently JD was on a similar page at this time, but his preparation involved less changing clothes and more adult beverage consumption. By the time I had returned to the sports bar, the entire room had filled and JD was in the back corner singing the "My Friend Adam... He's a Jewbathlic" song; which I will say is not a sign of complete sobriety. A few minutes later, we were walking downstairs for our first official dinner of the cruise.

Train wrecks can sometimes be avoided, like the scenario mentioned earlier. The one that happened Thursday night was destined. I'll admit my memory gets a little fuzzy at this point, but I know the following things happened, and not necessary in chronological order:
*JD Said, "Oh, Herrow" to our obviously asian server before we could even order food.
*JD flipped off the table behind us and then sat down with them for what seemed to be an hour. He attempted to sober up drastically after realizing that they worked for the same company.
*JD and Joey argued on whether or not Pharmacists and/or Network Security personnel had "clients"... fruitlessly
*Several people ordered different wines. Chandler Ordered a Foster's beer. All parts ended up in my wine glass.
*Gavin put the pepper shaker in my water. It didn't work the rest of the trip.
*Either Gavin or Kevin filled my menu with butter packages
*Most tables were done with their main course before we received our starters... and I think it was on purpose.
*JD Stole Gavin's Caesar Salad for no specific reason and then tried to put it, along with all following plates on the very narrow windowsill beside our table.
*Joey threw a crouton at JD, missing him and hitting a woman seated at the same table JD had just harassed.
*Gavin shattered his wine glass and spilled red wine over half the table; soaking our white table cloth.
*I took some disgusting shot that included Baileys.
*Chandler got tired of waiting for dinner and left... and we ended up sharing his lasagna 5 minutes after he left.
*We never received desert menus
*I apologized to tables as we left.
I can't recall much else... other than crying from laughing most of the dinner. I'm not even sure what I had to eat, apart from Chandler's food.

At this point, it was obvious that we were in the perfect state of mind to go gambling, so we made our way to the ship's casino. I can't remember if I had lost $50 before dinner or after, but it sure wasn't in my pocket the next day. Regardless, there was a good bit of gambling before our group split up. I know I walked out of the Casino with Jay... and Gavin ( I think). Chandler and AWag stayed put and at some point Chandler pissed off a sober woman by slapping either her or a friend on the ass. Details are sketchy. I can only assume that JD had died at this point, and Kevin was actively trying to resuscitate him (Roommates stick together). Anyway, it was around this time that Jay, Gavin and I ran into a couple of young ladies, Erica and Stacy, from the Kansas City area that became our 'Clubbin' Friends' for the evening. My notes say that all of our sub-groups met back up in the club at some point and shut it down around 3am. Thank god for the 24 hr pizza kitchen. My last note for the day says that Jay ate pizza with the group, got up, walked to his room and returned about an hour later yelling at us for leaving him at the club. It wasn't until the next day that we had convinced him he had, indeed, left us and become a late night "time-traveler".

There is obviously way too much story for one post. I'm going to stop here and break this sucker into parts.  Friday - Sunday coming soon...?