Tampa Trip

Originally Posted: July 11, 2006

For reasons of pure laziness I have put this story off for a little over a week.

For my new job working for Sterling Payment Technologies, JD and myself took a little road trip with business acquantances Robert and Scott (who will probably be mentioned later on as I try and recall all the 'goings on' ) down to Tampa FL for an annual sales conference that Sterling Hosts. Because the 4 of us had just recently joined the company and had not made any money, Sterling decided that they would be gracious enough to pay for our entire stay... which was excellent b/c it was a 4 star hotel... and probably very expensive. The beds by the way... rediculously comfortable.... I layed down... and sank 4 or 5 inches.
JD just tells me the name of the place was saddlebrook... one sec.
Yep... thats it... saddlebrook.com
Really nice place... except one of the bellhops was a total dick.. which I'll get to later... here we go
Day 1
Fairly early in the morning around 7am, Robert and Scott show up at my home in Daphne to pick up me and JD for the 7+ hr drive to Tampa. Right off the bat these two are arguing with each other like brothers about everything. Robert, who apparently had received the title "papa bear" was fusing at Scott about being a tight ass and Scott was talking about how big a cry baby Robert was and how he liked fat girls and such.... this went on for the entire 7 hours of the trip. It was hilarious. I don't think I said more that 10 words the entire trip there. There was no need... I was as content as I would have been watching a sitcom on television.
We showed up around 3pm and the drive from the entrance to the office took like 15 minutes... the grounds were HUGE. We pulled up to the valet, hop out and immediately JD pisses off the head of the valet with some smart ass comment... I dont remember exactly what it was... but it was pretty humorous. We got our keys... to our SEPERATE ROOMS (it suprised me.. b/c I'm not familiar with the big spending of large corporations) and changed for the 'Hoe-Down' themed meet and greet where we all got drunk. On the way to the meeting room... we asked one of the bell hops for direction... and he was goes "you mean to the front desk?!" like we were fucking retards... which REALLY pissed me off b/c its not like I lived there... I just fucking showed up ... I dont know my way around this place you dick! Anyway...
We ended up meeting a bunch of people which have turned into some pretty good contacts since and got a little tipsy off the free drinks there. When they started shutting that room down for the night.. the 4 of us and a couple other guys from Ohio decided we would go out for the night to the famous strip clubs in Tampa. Problem is their wives didnt approve of the idea so they had to stay at the hotel... INSTEAD... we hung out at the hotel bar until 3 or 4 am drinking and listening to these 3 fine ass lounge singers sing country music songs. I went to bed when Scott started dancing with this girl he met at the bar. Apparently later.. Scott grabbed her ass and her friends were not too happy about it and got mad at JD b/c they thought it was him... or whatever... I dont really know the details.. but from what I do remember they had a good ol time.
Day 2
We all wake up about 8:30... for the first day of information .. which started at 8! We walk in about 9 and stay in meetings until around 5pm. Good Information and we got to meet the hot vivotech terminal chick. Lunch was provided by Sterling (Score!). For Dinner, they were going to bus us all to the HardRock casino... but we decided we would drive there ourselves seeing as we didnt plan to go right back to the resort afterwards.... we had our sights on Ybor City (Tampa's version of New Orleans' French Quarter). We were at the hard rock for about 15 minutes and decided that since they had no games that you could play against the house... like blackjack and roulette... that the place sucked and we would bolt. We ran into the Vivotech Chick again and invited her out with us. GOOD FKin MOVE. It just so happens that she has an entertainment budget for just such occasions. Drinks for the night were on her. I had AT LEAST 8 Captain and Cokes before I stopped counting.... OMG I JUST REMEMBERED THE SLUTS. I was walking up to the bar and it just so caught my eye... as it would with any straight male on the planet... that 2 girls were making out at a table... and the hot one was damn near molesting the other with her hand. Normally this does nothing for me... but that night... it was awesome. The not as attractive one later called me over to the table to tell me I was hot and stick her face in my crotch... which I later washed thoroughly for fear of my manhood falling off. I also learned that at some other point in the night.. she had a handfull of roberts nuts... to get his attention. Moving on. I found a 120 bluetooth earpiece and had a couple more drinks and we bolted. Papa Bear was tired and took an $80 cab ride to the resort whilst JD, Scott, The Vivo Girl and myself went to Mons Venus... a tampa club that has been mentioned in various rap songs. Cover was payed... by someone.. and the view... STUNNING. This was the first strip club I had ever been too.. and I was spoiled. Every Girls was like the 'high quality' stripper you see in movies. These girls were BAD! Someone ended up paying for a lapdance for me which was good.. b/c I had no cash on me. Megan was the girl that Scott picked out for me... and he couldn't have made a better choice. She was probably the hottest girl I have ever seen.
*Portions Excluded*
We left the strip club and I pass out and wake up long enough to make it to my room and pass out again around 6 am
Day 3
I wake at 8 to get breakfast b/c I am funkin' hung over as hell and starving! I head over in shorts and I believe the T-shirt I had on the night before to great nearly everyone else there... including the CEO and VP all dressed up for breakfast... DAMN IT. I look like shit... and I'm sure EVERYONE knows me and JD are hung over as hell... b/c we look like gorilla turds. I eat quick and post so I can change for the first meeting at 8:30am. Mission accomplished. We go to meetings until roughly 5 again. Lunch was provided (Score again). There was some kind of half dinner thing they offered us later... which included another open bar... (again... SCORE!)
We end up drinking until they close the bar again and then head to the sports bar they have on the other side of the resort. There we run into the Discover Card Rep. that works closely with Sterling (who had also been at the strip club the night before ... not with us... but was just there partying) and we drink and Joke around with him until the wee hours of the morning.... no wait... some guy who claimed to be an ex Bengals WR got us Tequila Shots and later when we moved the party to the main bar he got us shots of Cap'n Tattoo... which by the way... IS DISGUSTING!
Now there are many a person to tell you that I am not one who likes to go out drinkin' 2 nights in a row. Proudly I can say that this is makes 3 nights of total obliteration. A drunken rampage. It was awesome.
The next morning we get up... late... and drive to Corporate Headquarters for a meeting with Joe P. who works in the Sterling Funding office. We take the tour.. get some needed sterling supplies and hit the road for 7 hours of not so exciting driving. We do hit up another strip club on the way back.... Cafe Risque... It sucks... Scott gets a lapdance... we laugh at the set toys in their gift shop.. and we go home.
Anyone with info on this story that I forgot... add below